Debatables

Here's 2 topics for today's debate:

1) Respect thy elders

So last night had another "discussion" with the maternal one. Came in the door after gym, said hi to dad - "Hi" - then purposely, even though it was completely out of my way, went to my mom's room to say "Hi" to her too. I turn away to go to my room - my only sanctuary in this tiny space we call home - and I get smacked upside the head with it (figuratively):

M - Daughter - come here.
Woe - Huh?
M - Come in here. I want to talk to you.
W - [crap]...Yes?
M - I tried not to say anything but it's just too much - it's been building up inside me and I can't keep it quiet any longer [ed's note - much more succint in chinese - "jeung jue hai do"]. You only ever say "Hi" to me, or "Good morning". You should be saying "Hi Mah-mee", "Jo sun Mah-mee".
W - [blank silence]...Okay....
M - It's a sign of respect. In Chinese custom you have to respect your mother by addressing her as mother. Just saying "Hi" to me is like saying "Hi" to any stranger on the street. If you don't say "Hi Mah-mee" I may as well be one of your friends or your neighbour. I am your mother and I deserve more respect than that.
W - [baffled silence]...Okay...
M - It's the Chinese way. You call your friends' parents Uncle and Auntie, you say Hi Uncle Bob and Hi Auntie Jane. Why can't you call me Mahmee?
W - [silence...wondering how long I have to let her ramble before it's safe to speak]
M - And in the mornings, you say "Good morning ba-ba." But you never say good morning mah-mee.
W - [forced to respond] Okay, when I say that it's because I already said jo sun to you, and now I have to say jo sun ba-ba to distinguish that I am speaking to him and not you....
M - If you had brothers and sisters, it's the same thing. Chinese families have a hierarchy and you have to respect the hierarchy by calling your older brother Go and your older sister Ga-je. You don't have brothers or sisters. But if you did, that's what you would have to do. You have cousins. You see how your cousin M calls her brother Go? You already don't call your cousins by their hierarchical titles. That's not great, but at least they're not your siblings. But your parents - you should be calling them by their titles.

OK. This goes on for about 15 minutes in total. I can't transcribe it all. Why subject you to the same guilt-trip I had to endure? Let's just say, a good friend of mine recently made the point that in arguments, everyone has a perspective, and things that one person finds trivial may be extremely important to the other. And even if in the grand scheme of things, the issue is in actuality trivial, it's still valid because it's important to the person. So we should all try to see things from each other's perspectives and understand why it's important to them - or, failing that, try and help them see why it's not really that important - or, failing that, I guess just be patient and understanding on our side because we realize it's not important.

Applicability to this situation? FOR SURE.
A) I cannot win the guilt-trip-respect-thy-elders-chinese-culture-demands-respect-even-in-the-stupidest-points argument. NO MATTER WHAT.
B) Part of the chinese elder respect thing, is that mah-mee is always right. NO MATTER WHAT. Children do not have valid arguments.
C) At the end of the day, my mother wants me to say "mah-mee" after everything. "Hello, Mah-Mee." "Jo-sun, Mah-Mee". "Mah-Mee, sic fan." This to me is mere formality and stupid, not showing anything beyond token respect.
D) This is what my mother requires of me to make her happy (and to stop harassing me), and while I find it retarded, does not require much effort on my behalf and is less troublesome to me than it is to her.
E) I am prepared to do this to keep the peace. No argument from me.

So given that I am prepared to give in without argument, why does it still take her 15 minutes to try and convince me that I've been bad and disrespectful? Venting? Naive belief that she will actually make me feel like I really have been disrespectful?

Result - this morning:
W - "Jo-sun - [pause] Mah-Mee."
M - "Jo-sun - [pause] Daughter [insert chinese name here]."
W - "Jo-sun - [pause] Ba-Ba."
D - "Jo-sun - [pause] Daughter."

Great. Now we've turned into a bunch of retards. Very formal retards.

I almost screwed it up this evening when I got home from work. But it's not my fault! I got thrown off by my mother's greeting. I walked in the door:

M - Hi.
D - Hi.
W - Hi.
[frantic scramble to recover]
W - I mean - Hi, Mah-mee.

Whew! That was a close one.

You know, if she wasn't my mother...she would make me laugh.


2) Fat people on the subway

Alright, this is a very politically incorrect topic. But honestly - anyone who has been in the middle seat on the 3-seater row in the subway, knows what I'm talking about. Today I sat on the END seat coming home on a crowded subway. I figure, the end seat is pretty safe. I have all this space on my right side, only 1 seat on my left. Life is good.

Then - SMACK - fat lady sits in the middle seat to my left. She is so fat her thigh is squished right up against me. I'm talking, like 250 lbs fat - or something like it. I was sitting there innocently, totally comfortable, and now I'm claustrophic. So sure, I was uncomfortable - but the worst part was - when the person on her left finally got up, and she moved one seat over. This whoosh of fresh cool air wafted all down my left side, and I was left chilled with the air and the evaporating sweat off her body that got all over me as she was pressed right up against me. Yes - let me speak for us all when I say - EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. That was one of the grossest moments of my life. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

So what do we do? Should fat people:

a) Not sit down on the middle seat of anything, out of courtesy (and safety) for the people on either side?
b) Have the right to sit anywhere, same as anybody else, forcing neighbours to either get away so they can breathe, or be squashed?
c) Sit only on end seats, to minimize squashage?
d) Follow first-come-first-serve protocol - only sit when there are at least 2 seats side-by-side available. That way, if someone chooses to sit next to them, it's their own choice and they shouldn't complain. Otherwise, you force an already sitting person to vacate a seat, or be uncomfortable. Of course, they generally take up 1.5 seats anyway, so no one else will have a chance to sit there.
e) Be given priority seating, because they are so fat, and thus need to sit more than non-fat people.

Hmmm...

I know, I know...I'm really mean...but honestly...the sweat is still drying...