Being Woe is senseless

First off, apologies for the lack of recent blogs. I have lots of stuff I want to say, but just seems like I never have the time for it. Maybe it's good news - maybe I'm spending more time living life and interacting with people live than through blogging? Rhetoric...no response required...

OK, so much as I'm often Woe - and you know how often that can be - all my woes are so pointless and petty, as I'm often reminded by the woes of others. And I read this passage today from "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren that really hit home to me - for myself and a few others that come to mind:

Many people are driven by resentment and anger. They hold on to hurts and never get over them. Instead of releasing their pain through forgiveness, they rehearse it over and over in their minds. Some resentment-driven people "clam up" and internalize their anger, while others "blow up" and explode it onto others. Both responses are unhealthy and unhelpful.

Resentment always hurts you more than it does the person you resent. While your offender has probably forgotten the offense and gone on with life, you continue to stew in your pain, perpetuating the past.

Listen: those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. Your past is past! Nothing will change it. You are only hurting yourself with your bitterness. For your own sake, learn from it, and then let it go. The Bible says, "To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do."

End quote.

What a great passage, and so applicable to me, from the littlest thing like road rage to the big stuff like relationships. How often do I get engraged by idiot drivers on the road that leave me steaming for the next 45 minutes until I get to my destination? Yet it's so stupid, the worst kind of anger, one which DEFINITELY only hurts me. The person in the other car probably doesn't even realize (or worse, CARE) that I'm mad. So why?? Why do I have to be so emotional?

I keep telling myself to calm down and destress, and that it all doesn't matter in the end, but easier said than done. I should print out the above verse and copy it and plaster it all over my walls, but at the end of the day, nothing really helps. I hope that someday I'll be able to truly have that mindset, in my heart, not just in my brain. It makes sense to me. I just wish I could act it too.

And on another note - does not forgiving someone = resentment? I don't think so. I mean, I honestly feel like I can stop holding a grudge/resenting someone, but maybe that's not true if I still "rehearse it over and over" in my mind. Well, I think I can stop that too, but you know what, if they came up to me and shook my hand and said, "well, it's all in the past, let's all be friends" - which I have a bet with myself COULD happen someday if a certain event occurred - then would I say, "sure, best friends?" NO, I would NOT. I would be able to refrain from cursing them to eternal damnation, but beyond that, no promises. I think the most I could feel is - indifference. But to be able to say, "Hey, yeah, let's all go for a drink sometime and act like nothing ever happened!"???? No....don't think so...

So does that mean I haven't forgiven? Because if that's what it takes to forgive, I'm sorry, I'm human and I don't think I could ever get there. Or at this point, that I really want to get there. I think I'm supposed to. But I can't/don't/won't. And maybe I'll never really move on with my life until that happened - but I think I can move on 90% of the way without it.

Final point. I certainly don't wish them any ILL-will. But to jumping for joy to see them, or to actively want to hang out again, or - OK, honestly, I don't wish them great happiness either. Maybe I'm not quite as unresentful as I thought.

I hope this all goes away soon....

PS - I just realized I wasted about 1/2 an hour and an ENTIRE BLOG on something I'm past resenting...hahahahaha irony.